"I need you more than the air i breathe,
more than the song i sing,
more than the next heart beat."
Time spent in life with Jesus is more than most of my dreams could ever bring about. life with Him is divine, stretching, filled with extremes, and time where He is show in His beautiful greatness. Something significant comes from every second. every moment. every encounter. because there are no mishaps with Jesus, only presents to His precious children that some how run together to construct this crazy intertwined thing we call our lives.
I could try to wear so many hats, could rise into the stressed- driven- generic minded person i was or i could stay in the person who i am after months of shaping and stripping through the crap. His precious daughter who despite the overwhelming fear at times, knows in her heart's deepest part that Jesus loves her as His most prized possession. I'm weary, i'm tired, i love, i am loved, i'm cherished, i cherish, my heart's core is resting in His precious hands. The life of the past few months has been more than words can say. sacrifice. life. people. Jesus. more and more. all leads to the precious moments, seconds in time where nothing else matters except the conversation your having with your Papa.
I'm weak, i'm scared, i'm ready, excited in my heart's deepest core to know that next week i will find myself on a plane, just me and Jesus walking in every second. Jesus. What a sweet and precious name. I used to think that it was important to try to be something for someone, to allow them to encounter Jesus in and through you, to be up on the right music in order to relate, or be knowledgeable in the latest movement in the world of social justice but honestly all of it makes me sick in this second. To be so curled up in His arms is it. In that, my heart adores someone, cherishes a friendship more than i could tell you, i'm blessed and honored. Each conversation is new, each day is one that Jesus has planned out, rest, peace, sanity is lost, sanity is gained. The heart's battle is not won in the times where we pull ourselves together but Jesus' joy and victory comes when He sees us desperate fighting to be near to His heart, in the loss of sanity moments where we feel as though we're drowning He's marveling because we love Him enough, crave Him enough to scream and kick to not be sucked under.
Jesus.... mmmm Jesus. Tonight. Tonight i will rest in Your arms, not thinking about what's to come, not wondering or caring about when the next conversation will come, but knowing each second was a gift, a blessing, an honor and You Jesus are the Papa who loves me, who sat through it with me, who loves me.