So Many Stories

They're amazing, everyone of them. Yes, they have their moments but all they need is some love, some support. I wish you could see the things they go through to survive a day. Wish you could see the constant struggle. They live under bridges and in completely broken homes. They don't know pure love, they don't see hope in tomorrow, no way out of the dark tunnel. No matter their age, they take care of themselves, no one to help them in anything . Living a life of drugs, sex, and emptiness. Where our society see dirty, obnoxious, worthless youth we get to see the other side. Be part of the little pieces of progress: staying sober, getting a job, or even just learning to respect. haha, it's amazing, absolutely exciting when you get the chance to be part of it. when you get the hug at the end of the night and you know somewhere deep down inside something's starting to change. they're beautiful, crazy, annoying at times but some of the coolest kids i've met. They want to become lawyer, teen councelors, and parents who can provide for their families. Each of them are up against the waves of the world to accomplish their goals. Ahh man, i want to give them the world. want to show them the love of Jesus. the love that they deserve, the raw, organic, overwhelming love of a daddy in heaven who cares the world about them. It makes me sick to watch them be hurt and neglected. i hate knowing that last week 3 of them went home to a parentless house because mom was in centralia, each of them under the age of 16. I want to see them become teachers, councelors, and successful parents.
When Mia left i thought i was going to hold it togther better. I'm so thankful that the door was opened for her to be taken from the abusive home, away from parents who called her things that no girl should her about herself, and a dad who beats her just because.. So grateful for the amazing opportunity it was to be there for her and the continued converstaions with her. I love her. yup, thinking of her story and the survivor that she is shakes my heart.
I love each of them, in every moment, every goofy thing(ahh yes, even when kyle comes in dressed as a fairy) :) Daddy, thank you for blessing me by putting these kids in my life. ahh, i can't say thank you enough. Protect them tonight, cover them with the shadow of Your hand.

the stand

i don't get it.. don't understand it. why the freaking f? Jesus, i love you. i'm here to do your work and i will not back down, will not let the lies of the enemy come after me and really hurt me. you are number one, you are everything... i'm sorry for my anger and rage tonight. Please forgive. help me to display your hope and your future.... i hate that i can be so freaking selfish sometimes, that in this midst of all this pain, i wish that there was someone i could curl up in his arms and everything would be ok, even just for a little bit... i hate that i'm selfish enough to long for this knowing my kids pain and the lack of anything like this in their life. So freaking sick of everything, of parents who don't give a crap about their kids, sick of kids who are hurting and thinking about commiting suicide by the time their 30. it shouldn't be like this... Freaking satan. how could you possibly find satisfaction from hurting beautiful people, how could it possibly make you happy to lead a beautiful 15 year old to cut herself because the pain has become to much. why the hell would you wisper lies in their ears that destory them? F you. I'm not willing to watch this anymore. not willing to just settle, Jesus Christ is going to conquer and defeat. i know it seems completely hopeless right now, but there is hope in even the little conversations or hugs.. i'm willing to make the sacrifice, willing to fight with everything that i have left inside of me.... Jesus, you are going to prevail! you are going to be on top.... we love you and we are your vessels.. show us where you want us to go. lead us... thank you for the amazing things that you've already done and are continuing to do in every little breath.
i love you.

ramblings

Today in the midst of looking for resources to help my students struggling with family i got distracted on the TWLOHA website, which quickly led me to their videos on youtube. Watching Renee talk about her story, the people that took her in and loved her for 5 days, those 5 days made a life changing impact on her life. Someone was willing to stop what they were doing to love her, really truly love her. No strings attached. It made me think of our kids at the YC, their stories of being addicted to heroine and prostituting herself out to have money to buy her drug. Another one whos arms are covered in scars because she cuts herself to run from the pain of abandonment and rejection. These kids are desperate for Love. Pure, Beautiful, Genuine, Extravagant LOVE....
I want to see them suceed. Who are we? what are we doing to go out of our way to see others taken care of and loved? not out of guilt or duty but because we want to love others as Jesus has loved us...... ahhh His love is so great... sooo soo great. i want to go scream it from the mountain tops. want to jump up and down because He's so extravagant and beautiful. These kids are a part of his heartbeat. are His dreams, are whao He sees at the battle line for our generation. He's created each one for a purpose, we're there to help them, to be His love in physical form...

tonight was so different. people asking who i liked. Not something that I'm used to. it seems as though everyone around me are falling pretty hard for some great guys. Honestly, i could not be happier to see them blessed and happy. they deserve it, more than anything. i know that some day God will bring that right person into my life. honestly, i will admit that it can be hard, yea... I serve a great God, a God and daddy who is more to me than than anything in this world. and He is all that i need. Some day i will meet him and it will be wonderful, but for now, i'm blessed and loving being in love with my Jesus.
Things in our world are so crazy right now. between our election and the economy everyone is panicking. It's funny, i've never been so comfortable, so secure in the fact that God has us right where He wants us. this sense and promise that He will never ever leave us. all of this is about nothing more than being completely, madly, passionately in love with our creator. AHHH what an amazing place, a place where it's just you and Him. Where you crave His presence. people are saying, "what if we all have to move into togther, what if the food runs out" things of a scared people. but honestly, those situations are nothing but perfect. we could live togther in a community of people, worshiping and loving Jesus. could you imagine? He is the God of love, of beauty and extravagance... He's craving to be our everything in an intimate way, a way that we can't even describe. something is changing in our hearts, in our midst. He's real, He's here and all He's wanting is for us to be real with Him, to be honest and just, to love Him nothing more. Bring it all on, i've got my daddy on my side. it's all going to be more amazing, exciting, and ok than ever imaginable.
Bring it on :) Daddy, be our provision.

morning revelations

so, i've tried to write this 2 times and nothing seems to be real an geniune enough. Here's the jist. Our God is more extravagant, all knowing, and loving than i could have ever imagined. He's my best friend, my everything and i want to proclaim it to the world. He brings a smile to my face and laughter to my heart like no other. Nothing satisfies like Him. I had coffee with a good friend this monring who is struggling with what she is going to do for the rest of her life. She's not satisfied, not settled, just searching. It was very weird to be on the other end of things, to know that God's got me in ministry for the rest of my life, to be so set on that. There was a warmth in my heart because of what He's done inside of me, the crazy transformation. She's got something in store, a crazy, free life. She's just not ready to let go. She will :) she'll see His beauty like never before, i'm so excited and waiting for the moment He catches her in the quiet secret place. He's pretty great like that :)
We were talking about revival and the things that are stiring in the air. Ahh! His color that He's spreading throughout our county is undescribable. He's great, He alive and flowing inside of us. Every little thing effects someone we encounter. His love is more near and overflowing than we could ever imagine. The air is different, there's a new standard set. Be ready, Be real. Who are we to say that God needs to be in a box, that He needs to just be in a church service? I am believing that people will begin to question and in the streets of our cities people will be begin to be saved. They will meet their Creator, His extravagant love, His truth. the sweet sweet presence of Jesus Christ. It will be as honey their hearts and lips. Some are quiet and have no idea what is coming, others are expectant, bracing, ready to run the race to our hearts fullest. Who are we? we are God's people called to do the will of His heart, to live a life that is pure in every aspect, a life so ignighted by His extravagant, sweet love that nothing can touch us. We will have our bad days, days where we feel as though we've been over by a truck, but Jesus Christ will prevail. He will conquer every pitful lie of the freaking enemy and will destroy his very being. We serve a great big God. haha He's great. mighty yet so tender and sweet. who are we to say God work now and only now? Let Him flow, He's coming in full force, His great love is very near for our generation. Are you ready to ignight and through Him set on fire a generation and nation for the kingdom of God?
The first step, let yourself fall in love with Him, really fall in love with Him and His great extravagance. Let your heart fall for Him like never before. He's your everything. He LOVES YOU.

So, this blog was intended to talk about my kids at the YC but i just finished a conversation with a gentleman in a coffee shop. He questioned that God even existed and if i was living a lie, what disappointment that would hold. my initial response was " how dare you question if my best friend, my Saviour even exists" (although i did not respond this way) i began to pray under my breath for him. This man (we'll call him Jim) said that if you're not living a life in fear then you're not moving fast enough. Jim also talked about how living a life for something you can not see means that you are letting go of any respect you have for yourself, that you are no longer making your own decisions. He mentioned that he could not fathom a life like that. Everything inside of me wanted him to grasp the greatness of the love of God. We talked about how he viewed life, Jim felt as though he had to make every decision for himself and that he was in control of how life went. He had it right eh? He is in control, it's the letting go of that control that is the hard stuff. Ahhh man, I've talked with people about the love of God, how He transforms, but i haven't had an opportunity since He did something radical inside of me :) As he questioned if God is real, i felt a hit to my heart like never before. How could someone say that my best friend, the one who died on the cross for my sins, gave everything up, died so that i could.... How could someonene question His existence? I did something bold, maybe it was out of fraustration, but after Jim challenged me to look inside of myself and really question if God is real, i stopped him and told him "i can look you in the eye and without a doubt in my mind, heart , and soul i know and believe that there is a God, that he is real and true and alive inside of me, there is no question of who He is or if He lives" i said it in complete love of course :) I don't think that Jim had ever heard someone say that with confidence. By the end of the conversation he said "maybe, God brought you to me to help change my mind and get me thinking and questioning if there is a God"
All of this is to encourage. We each have a mounth, even if all we do is say "God is love" and that is our description of Him, that has the capability to radically change lives. We may not change everyone's mind or heart, that's not our job. But what kindov people would we be if we didn't share the Amazing and Extravagant love of our Saviour? Say it as you're walking down the street, say it under your breath as you are walking through the halls of your highschool. "God is Love".... By doing this you are bringing Him into our world, speaking against the willes and lies of the enemy. Even simply uttering it under your breath. God is love and love is very near.... ahhh, no words can describe my excitement to what my daddy is doing in our generation, we don't have time to say "tomorrow Jesus, i'll make the choice to live for you" step back, let him take control, and marvel at His extravagant love and works, it's full of vibrant colors, His Spirit is here and it's inside of every one of us. Let it flow wherever you go :) Be His. Be set free. Be love to a dying generation.