a gentle lesson learned

Surrender is such a difficult concept for us sometimes.

We kick and scream.

Tell Him that we can do it by ourselves and then by the end of it we're so frustrated we think that He is the problem, not us.

Surrender in it's rawest form it beautiful, You let go of every ounce of yourself. Holding nothing back.

I'm blessed and humbled by His persistent knocking....

None of it matters, the clothes, the things of this world that seem to consume us. What we look like, how we act. What our bank accounts will look like 10 years from now. All of it is good. wise to some extent but honestly is that all there is to life? Now i'm not saying be stupid with our money and your decisions but really... it's not our own. It's HIS... all of it, even the great things about our personality. yup, those are HIS...

now the important thing is to trust Him, that because of your complete submission and trust in Him, He's going to take care of you like you could never have imagined. He's going to carry you through the hard times. He's going to be the husband, best friend, lover, buddy, daddy and so much more.

it all comes back to that little thing called submission......

i could watch this over and over and over again...

History was made.....

Love revealed....

Hearts ignited...

Revival started..

God is GOOD!!!!!!!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ophNqQTb5I8

Where's Your Heart???

As i was boarding my flight to come home i received a text from my boss telling me to check my voice mail... so i did what every good assistant does, i turned off my phone :).... for some bazaar reason i cried for the first half hour of the stupid flight then fell asleep for the rest of it, God's blessing i believe. Getting off the plane in Seattle i talk with my boss who told me the voicemail said for me to change my flight and stay in Oakland a day or so more.... perfect. for someone who didn't want to leave i was awfully angry and frustrated to come home. from the minute i set foot in the Oakland airport i had shut off any listening ears to what God might be saying, or for the most part anyways. i was trying to be open, trying to have a good attitude about the place He's called me to. I had been dealing with work related phone calls all weekend and was stressed to come back to the place that had seemed to hit so many bumps. I didn't want anything to do with these crazy kids, kids who take and take and never listen, they're going to make their own choices.....i was annoyed by the boss i serve. i want to be in a place where people really want to be helped. want to go somewhere new, somewhere unknown. Want to fight for, love, be a living display of God's love an forgiveness to the world.... talked with a guy who is going to go throughout the world, being God's hands an feet by simply submitting and letting go, by being faithful and purposeful in his conversations. A guy who has a heart overflowing with gratitude of how God has loved him and become his everything and is making that known, the beauty of what God has done and is doing is pouring out of him... it's beautiful. haha nothing compares....I had the opportunity to spend amazing time with a beautiful lady who has been through so much, been so faithful to what God has called her to and in a few weeks will be reaping the rewards of her faithfulness. She will be married and serving with the love of her life, she sacrificed because she knew the place God has called her to. In a few days she will be leaving that place and joining us in Washington a completely different, new, transformed, sharpened woman of God. She knows His faithfulness, His promises are true, she has gained confidence, reassurance, hope, authority in who He created her to be. She is a vessel that is sharper and stronger because she submitted, said "Jesus, i want to give you my life, i will do what you say, no matte how hard it may seem." I admire her for it. am in awe of her and what He is doing in her.... ahh it makes my heart leap.
We are people who are called by His name to do His work. We are not our own, by submitting our lives we are letting go of every detail of our life and letting Jesus take the lead. There are different levels of giving over control. I was so frustrated to come back, had such a horrible attitude. Even when i took in one of my students because of the weather, my heart was wrong. i was bitter the whole way, could feel the weight that brought. It's stupid, this battle in my heart to tell God what i want to do. haha i want to do missions, and apparently because i know what i want to do, i am going to tell Him..... yea... we all know how that worked out :)
Then on top of it i wasn't able to slam right back into the insane routine that i hold here, the snow cramped that... soo i have all of this wonderful time on my hands and i'm fighting with God... perfect...
Why does something so simple have to be so frustrating!?!? this is stupid, i know what He's called me to, know that it means living in complete submission, know that i am not done here yet. i am allowing the air around me to tell me what i should be feeling... the YC 's possible closure is only going to happen if we give up, and i'm not ready to do that...
I think that it's the mixture of everything: being able to go to a new place, spending time meeting people, good conversations, rough situations, freeing conversations, something stirring deep inside, a place where there's difference, confidence... the list goes on... Someone wise said to me tonight that God is wanting me to slow down.... listen quietly... step back from what i'm trying to do so that He can have me all to Himself, so that we can just talk.... I'm laying everything on the line, i'm setting free the crap that i'm trying desperately to hold onto. i am an open vessel.
a child in her Father's arms.

quiet.

submitted.

stepping back to hear Him, let Him carry me through every door and opportunity.

a little advise... don't attempt to run into the future that He's prepared for you without letting Him carry you through it... there's nothing but frustration and a tug on your hear that brings you desperate to your knees... Follow the truth, the heart, the passion, the organic, raw Love of the Living God. It never fails, never leaves, never abandons... HE's there, begging to be our breath, the one we go to sleep talking to and wake up expectant of a conversation with Him in the morning. Stop loosing perspective of what He has in store for you.
Rejoice in it!

It's great to marvel at Him, to laugh at the beautiful things that He does inside of you.haha, it's freeing! It's beautiful!!! ahhh, the freedom, i love it, can't describe it!
thank you Lord, for always being true, always loving me despite my stubbornness... my heart is Yours.
Every part.
Every ounce.

Set Free.
Redeemed.
Unashamed.
Cared For.
Cherished.
Lovingly reprimanded.

In a relationship with the love of her life :) Madly, madly in love.... You are precious to me dear one.... thank you for your love, for always being my everything.

eyes

It's amazing what getting out of your element, being in a completely new place, where no one knows you. everything new. will do for your sanity. it makes you want to loose yourself in this world. never go back to the place where pain is overwhelming, where hope seems to be distant. Everything is suddenly put into perspective when you get out of our element and run to a place where we can find hope in Him. A place where an alcoholic says "God changed my life, i can't explain it but i'm different and i'm madly in love with Him" It's cool to sit over a cup of coffee and talk about life, to talk about who God is, His amazing, extravagant love that is never failing. Love the look in their eyes, to sit and see the complete difference, the transformation that goes deeper than any quick fix. It's extrodinary. To be able to sit accross from that person and have words come out of your mouth like you've never experienced before, to speak with an authority that is startling to you. Thank you Lord for that moment tonight, for that place where i was able to speak Your heart to someone who really cares to see Your heart conveyed. Thank you Lord for that opportunity. You are great and beautiful. I love being able to be in Your presense and work for you...

"just one more hit"

How many times are they going to run back to the things that constantly hurt them? How many times are they going to say " i wanted to escape reality." They're so much better than that. They deserve the world but the world has hurt them, told them that they don't deserve anything and that the lowest they could get is the highest they are ever going to achieve. F*** u society. They are beautiful, sometimes you have to dig harder to find the beauty but it's there.... waiting to be draw to the surface so others can see and marvel. They give up their rights, give up who they are to help other, bend over backwards to make life easier for everyone else. They don't understand that they need to worry about themselves for once. And just when you think that they've finally got it, when you think that you've finally had a win, they relapse, and it seems as though everything that you've worked for, every little win is shot out the door. I know that's not true and that all of those conversations and wins have all made a lasting impact and that there really is change going on inside of them... I just want the best for them... want them to see their true beauty. they beauty that was created by a Daddy in Heaven who looks at them and doesn't see dirty, broken, raw girls but a Daddy who sees beautiful, flowers in bloom, perfectly created with gifts and passions. and then there's the devil, feeding them the lies that they don't need to hear... sometimes it makes me want to completely give up. to be completely done. But then Jesus shows me how much He smiles on them, how He marvels at the little things that they do, How much it breaks His heart to see them cut themselves because they're so broken. Jesus, how do we do what we're called to and make a difference in their lives? Pour into them, teach them, cover them, consume them. They are desperate, craving for something real and new, marvelous, something completely consuming. Something that will come out in a way that only they can understand, an experience with their Creator that is so new and uniquely crafted for them, a experience that radically shakes everything that they've ever thought. A experience that shows them, displays relevantly the true, pure, organic love of God.
He's marvelous, wonderful, majestic. There's nothing like Him, nothing like getting to spend time in fellowship with our Creator, the one who knew me before i was even thought of by my family. He is the one who is always there, never ever leaves me, never deserts me, places His hand on me, reprimands me lightly, sometimes strongly :), holds me in His arms when i'm hurting, His is my best friend, my Father, my lover, my provider, He's my everything.... thank you Lord for allowing me to be Your child. You are beautiful. Please touch our kids... touch them in a new way that they have never ever experienced before... I'm believing that You are going to do things that we never could have imagined in us as leaders and in our students. thank you in advance for the things that you are stiring and the things that you are going to bring about....
Love You!