The conversations. The people. The city that chooses to push out people simply because of a skin color. This place where to be identified as "homosexual" means displacement to a neighborhood where you can live your lifestyle - in peace. Where men can sell themselves on the street to keep their addiction running hard. People. Homeless. Not Homeless. Every one needing something. Needing to be noticed. Yet no one to notice.
I was sitting in a restaurant the other day and one of the men i see on a regular basis at a homeless shelter in that neighborhood walked by. There was a look of longing in his eyes and at that moment i realized that it wasn't just longing to be noticed or for food but it was longing for family. A family to laugh with, to go out to eat. To play with grand kids. That sense of belonging. The hope that comes with friends. The joy. It wasn't a need for a meal anymore it was a need for joy and life...
The drug addict in the poorest neighbor hood is as in need of this joy and life as much as the stuffy businessman who sits at home. alone. with his drink every night. Different surroundings yet all people. everyone of them - us. People. needed: Jesus love. To let compassion and love overwhelming. Love in its purest form. Hope.

Sexton Elementary

Yesterday when asked by my new youth pastor what my favorite part of Chicago was i thought about it and then said the South Side. Even as it was coming out of my mouth i realized how truly bazar that it. If i were home the answer would have been Alki, a favorite coffee shop, or something that was a place you could curl up and have some good convo and watch the rain... but my response was about some of most dirty, neglected, issolated, hopeless places here in Chicago...my favorite. Yes, i'm sure if i had more time i would get to find some really great places in the nicer parts of town that i could love but the South Side, hmmm. People living as though racism is still in action as it was when Martin Luther King Jr. was still alive. Gangs taking over, housing projects, racial profiling, and the disgusting list continues. Neglect. They've been shoved into a place where people can forget about them, where poverty is the only thing they know, where it's been passed down from generation to generation. Schools and situations that shouldn't even exist today because last time i checked we're living in 2010. I watched a drug deal happen across the street from the school i'm working at.... while pre- kindergarten kids were playing outside. Neglect. it makes me sick. Some of these kids won't even make it to 21 because they'll be shot in gang conflict. People neglected. People who are created by Jesus, in His likeness and yet people who were also created in His likeness have chosen to banish them from even a respectable life. They're called dirty. Trash. Forced into a lifestyle and making a choice to be proud of it, accepting it as a culture.

I miss the beautiful Northwest, the healthyness of it. Maybe it's just the people, the lifestyle. I don't know. It's weird to be so far away. so so far away. Life will continue, so much to come in the coming weeks. I love it here, the people, the ministries we work with, and my roomies...

I want to help, to make a dent in this incredible poverty but i have to remember that only Jesus.. only He is capable of overcoming generational curses of brokenness and poverty. Only He can conquer in the most destitute parts of Chicago. South Side watch out because the love of Jesus is going to get you. i believe it. i do.

So far now. we keep going. waking up and sleeping in belief that Jesus is going to do something. That He'll change our groups, He'll do something in our hearts, and expectant for Papa to love. love that's the biggest one. Oh screw it, i don't even care anymore about the talking. There are people who are bad off, there it is, and Jesus well. He knows what He's doing. I am looking forward to some time back in the Northwest. Some coffee to be drank. Shows to savor. All of it. but for now i look to this moment. My beautiful group and the sites we get to be a part of. mmmm Papa, so so grateful to be here. :)

Hippie Braids

Working for a few weeks straight now, had about an hour off on Sunday before i got my new group. Did another prayer tour that felt as though i was simply telling facts about the city. Trying to be pumped with this new group of kids. So the most recent struggle, :) my understanding of complete trust even on the things that i could do on autopilot but how much more amazing Jesus' words and plan is. The act of removing myself from the picture, putting aside desires, longing, stupid thoughts, erasing my pursuit of something that Nicole wants and simply saying i lay it all down, even though it's what i long for. A whole new level of surrender.

I miss music. Miss some people. Miss the atmosphere at a show, the people being lost in the beauty of it. I wonder if this is selfish. Was talking with one of my room mates about some of the projects on the south side and how they were being torn down yet there wasn't any thing good being built in its place. I got so angry... these people living in a horrible thing like the projects are now being pushed out of their homes or into continued crappy circumstances. Nothing is being done, these people, living out a cycle. waiting for their life to end, waiting to be the ones caught in cross fire, waiting to see the chances dwindle for their kid to make it to college and find a new life. One of my groups this weekend said that it's a third world country in our city limits. The sad thing? This statement bears an extreme amount of truth.

can i please just say, i absolutely love my roomies!!!!! holy crap, so many incredible moments of laughter. holy cow. i absolutely cherish them

Chicago's Grid System

Training week #2 almost over. First group hosted - done. Life flying and flying and flying.
Jesus, i love you. This place, these people are so broken. 50,000 members in the two most populus gangs alone. The police force stands at about 13,600 members. 98,000 people pass through the County Jail in one year. Racism is laced into it's history and although we're living in 2010 racisim continues to exist in many ways here. Back in the day Chicago had something called a housing contract. IF you were to buy a house they would make you sign a contract stating that at resale you would not sale to a black person, thus keeping the community segregated and forcing those of a different skin color into housing projects where gangs, drug problems, and poverty rose at an incredible rate.

Last weekend i had the honor of hosting my first group. They were crazy, sarcastic, and so in love with Jesus, so in love with His people. Watching how they came away from their conversations with the people of Chicago. Hearing them connect faces with the numbers they heard on the prayer tour. Men and women who live on the street, being ignored, neglected in every way except for maybe the one hot meal they get a day. Gosh i loved these kids, how they served even though they were exhausted, was def. honored to have them as my first group.
It's crazy to be here and working through things. Having said good- bye to a few people who meant so much to me i wasn't sure how i was going to feel. To process through not only that but now a new surrounding, new people, and new culture. Letting go of my pre- conceived ideas and desires to see in the midst of it the beautiful things that my Jesus is doing and orchestrating. I would not have had it any other way. Life here is in full swing and in the times when i do breathe i think about what it could be like to come home to seattle/olympia. to the people i adore, the culture that i cherish, music, great beautiful times. My Jesus quietly, gently quiets me, reminds me to live in the midst of the moments, the people He's brought around me... I don't want to just do average, to slip by staying stuck in the things that i know but i want to be learn, be stretched, grown, challenged in my heart's pullings, be challenged in my heart's compassion towards people. I feel like there's something that i'll be walking away with, so sort of crazy transformation... or not :)
Today is a new day, we're working all day and then serving at a soup kitchen and then more work. Letting go of what i thought or what i expect from my day and sitting back to watch Jesus work in and through, to see the people we encounter through His eyes. I feel like sometimes it's hard to do when you've got some many broken people. But that's the beauty of our Jesus, He sees EVERY ONE of us. every one.