*sigh*

as i sit here, enjoying morning coffee and toast i'm talking to Jesus about the last few months, the last year, and what's to come in the next 3 months, the leaving and coming back. Excited to see what happens and what incredibly heart shaping things will happen. Is it sad that i'm already thinking about how i will get to see people i love when i come home and how glorious that will be. How different we will all be even though it's only a few months.
Ok Jesus, here we go. a life so different, a place so new, and so far from the life i've been blessed to encounter in the last year. No looking back only right in the moment, consumed with what each second is going to hold. Sometimes i forget, sometimes i don't always listen the way i'm He's asking me to. I've been trying to write for the last 4 days and every time i sit down i want to write about the future or something about the past that I loved and learned from yet every time Jesus stops me in my tracks and reminds me about the moment. The one i'm living in right now, nothing to think about but what Jesus is doing right there. Talking to Him in that second and talking to Him about the right now. Holy crap i love Him. The future will handle itself, let Him carry you in His arms being the only one who you tell everything, the One you laugh and cry with. When you're craving conversation that lets your heart ignite, talk to Him.

17But the wisdom that is from above is first pure,
then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits
without partiality and without hypocrisy.18Now the
fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those
who make peace.
- James 3 :17 - 18 -

Rainy City

So much changing. Yet, not really at all. Something so prepared and ready for yet i sometimes question my readiness. Perfect beautiful plan Jesus. I can't see forward and the yesterdays become distant. Holding onto what i can in the midst of this wind. I know though that to let it go is what will bring You're blessing and beauty Jesus. I love this season, people, life, music, conversations. Who knows what tomorrow holds, eh, who cares.
The beauty of today. Every part is as though someone is holding up a water saturated cloth to a parched sick man's lips. Allowing them to feel it's refreshment, to savor that moment. I love this little city, the people who live in the pits of it, to stand back and let those younger rise up, to be a tree that watches those with such a bit of faith to bring incredible change and true indescribable love that will pierce and Jesus saturate the most horrible demon.

I need to work on clearing through things, but the last thing i want to do is get ready. I want to run away, to a place where time stops and life is held in the beautiful hand of Jesus. Where even for a few hours, you encounter Him in the quiet moments, the conversations that ignite the deep part of your heart, the diner coffee that is so bad but so good. To be with people, living life, watching time drift away. I've been blessed to know that time, to have seen it, tasted it, savored it, and now... well soon something new will come, but for now. Jesus i'm going to savor every last drop of being here... every last drop. I'm so grateful, honored, blessed, loved to call this life. All of it, this moment and the next breath, i don't think i can adequately put into words how much i savor it. wrapped up in it like a cozy blanket. Thank you Jesus for it, mmm thank you for it.

Papa, I love you.