a conversation

why do we do it day in and day out? why do we force ourselves out of bed to go meet a high school student and talk about the future, talk about life? Why do we sit through endless conversations about running away, drugs, school, etc.? I've been wondering this lately... wondering why we are constantly investing to just to see them back in the same situation as before. Yes, maybe this time it wasn't as bad but none the less. I wonder what i should do with a 14 year old who doesn't know Jesus, don't realize that there's a hope out there bigger than she could ever imagine, a scared little girl who is attempting to silently say "screw you" to the world and her family. or what action should be taken with a girl who is just starting life and can't seem to realize that she's absolutely beautiful, has so much to offer the world, she doesn't know her worth... at all.... She is a product of her surroundings. I feel as though all we do is churn out solutions, they respond well with intention to follow through and the next thing i hear is that they are in some sort of trouble... perfect. i wonder why we put ourselves in that place. why i even keep trying to find solutions. And then i read something where they did have a success. Where kids who were in trouble found a way out becacuse someone chose to love and invest in them. All of the maybes are worth it for the "one " that makes it out. You never know if the conversation you are having could change someone's life... ahh man, i will work on this. it will be hard, but we will figure it out. I just need to stop caring so much about it and enjoy it, enjoy the blessings that come from serving Him, the joy that comes from being a part of their life... I love them...

fraustration

What makes us attracted to someone? what brings us to a place where we feel as though we need that special someone next to us, around us? Why is it that when we get to a place where nothing else matters but being close to your Saviour, the one who is in you and through you and your complete Everything. someone says something and you suddenly can't get him off of your mind. And your thinking behind it isn't completely because you want to talk to him or care about him but it's because your so annoyed that He's there that you want everything to just go away, You want it to just be you and Jesus. I mean come on :) everything was working just fine, we were actually doing pretty great, I didn't want anything but just to be His hands and feet. He's my best friend, my everything and honestly i didn't want anything to come into my life and mess that up. I don't want a distraction, don't want anything to come between what God is doing. Ugh, i don't even want my mind to think about it. It honestly makes me laugh, because i get so fraustrated at the thought of anything happening, even just talking... the person that i enjoyed talking with i suddenly don't want anything to do with.. oh jeez....I'm done, i don't even care... i really honestly don't want to be like this... but i don't want it... i just want to be with Jesus every second and not miss anything that He has... any little bit with Him. I want to see His smile and heart in things... i suppose that nothing would change.
eh, who knows... whatever... i'm going to keep living the way i am, not giving a crap about any of this relationship stuff but knowing that in it's right timing God will bring it along... and i'm not going to worry about any conversation or any time that we spend togther... we are just friends and he's not a threat to what God's doing... and he's a pretty great friend...
if ya think about it, could you please pray that i keep my sanity?
Daddy, i love you.... more than words can say...