I despise going through the motions. Saying things that i've said about a gillion times and watching it affect people. Seeing the same incredible ministry sites with the same people walking through the constant pattern of poverty and misery every day, some declining as the days go on, others getting jobs and putting their lives back together. It's hard to say who will do this or if more than one here and there will actually make it out, so the pattern continues...

A few nights ago a good friend of mine played her first show with her band. Jesus and i had to work through some things, my own frustrations with being here, without some people i cherish, without music, only seeing the broken parts of this city. People fighting but fighting for something different. I was pouting, missing people with piercings, skinny jeans, and the desire to unite for this crazy thing called music (haha silly and pathetic i know.). I was wonderfully reminded by Him that He is soverign, He brought me here, He's allowed me to see people, to have conversations, to be broken, to cherish. ouch. How could i be so incredible selfish and territorial of people who are His, Those people are friends, are people i love because of Jesus and only Jesus. I need to let go, let the death grip i have on a life back in Washington be loosed. I love the homeless, i love the poor and left out; but man do i love the hipsters, the kids who hit up shows every chance they get, the musicians who tour, love the dreamers, the artists. I can't explain it but i cherish the conversations, the moments to encounter Jesus with them, the late night coffee conversations and uniting over the love for this one thing. I'm craving it, the dreamers who do what they love because it's who they are and they can't imagine anything different.
This city has so much of both. so much of the broken but so much of the people who are broken in a different way. Chicago you're growing on me. I want things, long to have conversations with people i love, miss crazy road trips with cherished friends, want those coffee conversations that Jesus has allowed me to love. But most of all. I want Jesus, to be so close to His heart that nothing else matters. That His heartbeat is the only thing i hear, what i wake up to and the last thing i hear before i sleep. To see people as He sees them. It's scary sometimes to wonder what is next but to have a negative attitude about being here, counting down seconds till i get to go home would not be all that Jesus has.... and He's let me know how stupid those thoughts really are... Jesus gave me those friends, those times and He's not just going to rip people He's allowed for me to be with away from me just because.
I adore every second of being here. The people. the life. It's right, It's good, and healthy. ahhh man, i cherish this time. What Jesus is doing in the moments, even the times when i feel as though i want to pack up and leave. Every second, this is life, lets cherish it. savor every minute that we are given because HE loves us, He doesn't care about anything else but us and the life we are living with Him.