"Nicole are you pregnant?!" -devyn-

It's crazy to think that this season that i am currently in will be coming to a close very very shortly. That the memories, the laughter, tough conversations, the kids, music. All of it will be a part of my past. It's so bazaar to think that the YC existed and for 10 months it's what we all lived and breathed. the 14 hour days filled with paper work, meetings, conversations, trips to the ER and so on was something that i lived. The kids are real, i see them, the building is still there, carpet and paint on the walls.... all of it seems so long ago, so distant that i could never touch it again. As though that person who was so passionate about those kids is gone and when i look at pictures i don't even know myself. I don't know if i like it, if i'm ok with it.
I miss them. so much. It seems as though i've been saying that a lot lately but i do. I know that when life is shaken up and there's change coming our human tendency is to grab on to things that we truly loved and were stable.
About a week ago i was sitting in a living room with a newer friend. we were talking about homeless and the YC was brought up. I was sitting there, feeling sorry for myself that it had been shut down and then i remembered how much i wanted to share their stories. Wanted people to know the kids as i do, to know their beauty. People see kids who are making poor choices and judge without even stopping to consider the circumstances that put them there. I have failed my kids, i didn't keep up with them, didn't pursue them when the center shrunk. But i do know without a doubt that Jesus is with them, protecting them, guiding their decisions, loving them. To know that puts my heart at rest, to see the pictures of months past and rest in the promise that Jesus said He's got it from here. :)

new seasons, new conversations and journeys. it's a bit scary, the unknown, i feel as though i've taken 10 steps backwards, no home, no permanent job, but a promise from you saying You'll take care of me. Daddy, nothing better than resting curled up in your warm, extravagant, loving arms. Thank you in advance for the miracles that You're going to work and how the path is being laid. I love you more than words can say. Thank you my precious Jesus.